12 days, and already out of my mind.

I'm in the last 2 weeks now. And I feel like a total mess. I have so many things to do, so many people to see, places to go to...and I dont know where to start. I have to organize myself.

This year has been such an amazing opportunity for me. I have done so many things that many many people dont have the chance to do in their entire lifetime, and Im only 17.
I went to a foreign country, lived with its citizens, studied in its schools, learned its language. Survived on my own...
I have so many fantastic memories, and made so many good friends. I gained 2 families.
And now to leave the life I created here...after so much work its over.

All good things come to an end, and I knew this would end. I just didnt think it would happen so fast.

Today was my last day in school. The kids from my school did a surprise party for me. I had no idea. During the break I left the classroom, they put up balloons and brought in a banner that says 'we will never forget you' and a cake with the brazilian flag and 'you are special' written on it.
I cried so much my head started to hurt.

I think I will feel so empty when I step onto the plane.

I knew, from the beginning, that it would be harder to leave Brazil then it was to leave the states, because leaving the states, I knew I would come back, and everything would be waiting for me, just the way I left it.
But when I leave Brazil, I never know when I will have to chance to come back. I dont know where the friends I've made here will be, I dont know...anything. Nothing is certain. And even when I do come back, it will never be the same. I will never see my entire class ever again. Many of my friends will have packed up and moved to other places...
Its just hard. Exchange is hard.
But I would not trade it for anything.

I loved my exchange. I have grown so much. I have grown into the Rotary cliché of "being a citizen of the world" rather then a citizen of just one country.

I will miss so many things. I will miss the way brazilians are so friendly, and how they are so joyful. I will miss the food, I will miss my families, and my class, and all my friends. I will miss going out to the avenida friday nights, and walking through all the tables, always to run into someone with a big smile on their face. I will miss the kiss on the cheek greeting, and the farm, and the center. I will miss the music everywhere you go, and the way people are so interested in knowing about me and where I come from, and I will miss speaking Portuguese, and the beach. And...everything. I will miss everything.

I'm afraid of my normal life. Afraid that I will miss Brazil so much, and not have enough things to distract me in the States from thinking about it.
I'm afraid that this year wont feel real when I wake up in my own bed that first morning.

but I know life has to go on. I can't stay in Brazil forever.
So I will, just like the way I dealt with leaving the states, keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I have stopped going to school, as of today. Allthough I will still go there a few times to see my class.
I still have to go to a few places. I still have to buy a few things to take home with me. I still have to see a lot of people. I have to do my going away party. I have my last big party next weekend. A cultural thing at the country club. that seemingly everyone in the city is going to. I have to...I dont know, just spend my time very wisely.

Im going to start packing next week.
That is scary.

I have to get myself together!!