The Departure from a Wonderful Life-A letter from the airport

I thought today would be the worst day of my life. Even that it was the end of it. I thought that I would be lost in a world that had been turned upside down by an amazing year, in a beautiful country, with a lot of crazy people. But that didn’t happen.
Walking into that airplane today was hard. Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I was crying so hard I couldn’t see…
Watching all of the people I grew to love waiting behind the gate from the airplane window was torture, because the only place I wanted to be was there on the other side with them, living another normal day in MOC.
Now, I’m waiting in the Pampulha airport. When I stepped out of the plane, I remembered me and my Finnish friend walking out onto that same runway a year ago, not knowing what to expect, and now, we both go alone, back to the lives we had left in our own countries, neither one knowing what to expect all over again. And I’m in the airport alone, but I don’t feel alone at all.
This is not as bad as I thought it would be (don’t get me wrong, it is bad), but I was afraid that when I left, everything would be over. But, in the 2 hours that I have been away from my little Brazilian hometown, I’ve found that it’s not like that at all. I know that things will never be the same as they were when we go back to MOC, some people will have moved, changed, some I will have lost contact with, but one thing that will never change is the love that I have created…in my own heart and in the hearts of others. I am certain that will never ever change.
And so I’m happy, in a bittersweet way.

I had a great year. Better then that…. It was the best year of my life. A year that I will never ever forget. I made my mark on MOC, and it was worth it. So worth it.
And now I smile, with tears in my eyes.

What an epic year. I can’t even say how much I will miss it...how much I will miss them. How important this year was to me. How it killed me to see them on the other side of those airport bars, knowing that moment was the end of something amazing, and knowing that I wont see them every day to laugh at the simple things.
I had something really special this year. And I'm so grateful to have been put in MOC city…

I like to think that everything in our lives happens for a reason. That I came to Brazil because of some kind of destiny, although I don’t know what destiny that is yet. I like to think that every person you meet has something to teach you, something to share. That every person helps you along the winding, long and ruff road we call life (sometimes even as ruff as Brazilian roads). You just have to be willing to take the lessons, and use them. And sometimes things get really hard, sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to, sometimes things end, sometimes people are separated, but everything is an experience, and everything makes you grow.
Brazil taught me so many things, like how to accept people for who they are and love them regardless (and sometimes because) of their flaws, and how to love with all my heart and not be afraid to show it…
I think I can say, that the last time I was in this airport, I was inexperienced. I can say that since then I have grown, and I can say that even after paying that excess-baggage today (yeah, I know it was actually Dawidson, but still) I am richer. Richer in the way that is important, richer in soul and in heart. Richer in love. And I feel so loved. In this one little year, I created and was given so much, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have Keli and Dawidson and Henrique and Magi and Tiina and the girls from class…Rafa, and everyone else that unconditionally gave me their love.
Now I will be far away from this life. Each person I met will have lives that the other may not understand, but friendship will connect us over long distances and time. And we will be together again.
I will wait anxiously for that.

12 days, and already out of my mind.

I'm in the last 2 weeks now. And I feel like a total mess. I have so many things to do, so many people to see, places to go to...and I dont know where to start. I have to organize myself.

This year has been such an amazing opportunity for me. I have done so many things that many many people dont have the chance to do in their entire lifetime, and Im only 17.
I went to a foreign country, lived with its citizens, studied in its schools, learned its language. Survived on my own...
I have so many fantastic memories, and made so many good friends. I gained 2 families.
And now to leave the life I created here...after so much work its over.

All good things come to an end, and I knew this would end. I just didnt think it would happen so fast.

Today was my last day in school. The kids from my school did a surprise party for me. I had no idea. During the break I left the classroom, they put up balloons and brought in a banner that says 'we will never forget you' and a cake with the brazilian flag and 'you are special' written on it.
I cried so much my head started to hurt.

I think I will feel so empty when I step onto the plane.

I knew, from the beginning, that it would be harder to leave Brazil then it was to leave the states, because leaving the states, I knew I would come back, and everything would be waiting for me, just the way I left it.
But when I leave Brazil, I never know when I will have to chance to come back. I dont know where the friends I've made here will be, I dont know...anything. Nothing is certain. And even when I do come back, it will never be the same. I will never see my entire class ever again. Many of my friends will have packed up and moved to other places...
Its just hard. Exchange is hard.
But I would not trade it for anything.

I loved my exchange. I have grown so much. I have grown into the Rotary cliché of "being a citizen of the world" rather then a citizen of just one country.

I will miss so many things. I will miss the way brazilians are so friendly, and how they are so joyful. I will miss the food, I will miss my families, and my class, and all my friends. I will miss going out to the avenida friday nights, and walking through all the tables, always to run into someone with a big smile on their face. I will miss the kiss on the cheek greeting, and the farm, and the center. I will miss the music everywhere you go, and the way people are so interested in knowing about me and where I come from, and I will miss speaking Portuguese, and the beach. And...everything. I will miss everything.

I'm afraid of my normal life. Afraid that I will miss Brazil so much, and not have enough things to distract me in the States from thinking about it.
I'm afraid that this year wont feel real when I wake up in my own bed that first morning.

but I know life has to go on. I can't stay in Brazil forever.
So I will, just like the way I dealt with leaving the states, keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I have stopped going to school, as of today. Allthough I will still go there a few times to see my class.
I still have to go to a few places. I still have to buy a few things to take home with me. I still have to see a lot of people. I have to do my going away party. I have my last big party next weekend. A cultural thing at the country club. that seemingly everyone in the city is going to. I have to...I dont know, just spend my time very wisely.

Im going to start packing next week.
That is scary.

I have to get myself together!!

April and arriving at the end

Well, The entire month of April went by, and I didnt write...
It has probably been even longer then a month since I wrote.

But, here is the run down,
Life is always strange, Exchanging or not, but Brazil has become extremely normal, so much that I am afraid to come back to the US...afraid that I will feel more lost in my own country then in that of my exchange..

April was a pretty exciting month, I was traveling almost the entire time.
I went to my capital city, Belo Horizonte, for a concert, (120,000 people and the most popular bands of Brazil) and ended up staying an extra week after to show to spend time with exchange students, and live a bit in the big city. It was really nice, and a good thing for me to see...what it is like to live in a big city, and in a city other then Montes Claros. Belo Horizonte is electric. There is always something to see, always something to do. And there are a lot of awesome exchange students to see.
After BH, I went back to MOC for a few days, and then I went off the the South of Minas, to a city called São Lorenço for my Rotary District Conference. That was also neat. The 60 exchange students of Minas Gerais united again. We spent 3 days there, just hanging out together. I love exchange students. Everyone ends up being friends always, something about kids that are willing to experience new things that clicks I suppose. In Albuquerque it was the same thing, all of the exchange kids became fast friends, and we will all be great friends forever, maybe even if we live thousands of miles apart.

After the conference, I went back the BH for one day and then met up with my mom. It felt unreal the entire time before seeing her. I suppose I just couldn't imagine my two worlds colliding. But it was so great to see her. To finally show her my second world.
From BH we went to Itacaré, which is a gorgeous beach in the state of Bahia. It was a beautiful trip, the hotel was fantastic, the little beach town, sweet and friendly, the people, great, lots of foreigners. Maybe Itacaré is my favorite place in Brazil. It is named one of the 10 most beautiful beaches in the World. The people are great, it's not dangerous. It's not commercialized...perfect.
We spent 6 or so days there, and then we went to my city.
We hung out with my host families, went to all of the places I always tell her about...it was fantastic.
After my mom went back to the states, I moved host families, and now am in my third family.
More adaptation....
I moved a week ago, and now, am half used to the family. It's always strange the first few weeks, but its starting to get better. The house is giant, and in a nice part of town, Close to the center and my school. I have a host sister now, the same age as me.

And now, there are less than 7 weeks left....so little.
So much has happened this year, I have learned so much, I have grown so much, and the thought of it being over is so strange...The idea of living in the US again is strange, of being constantly surrounded by English, of living a normal life again....sounds almost un-doable. Unexciting.
But at the same time, I feel like I will actually start my life when I leave Brazil. Like here, I'm stopped...I have things that I accomplish, but now, I have almost accomplished those things, and in a month and a half, I will be ready to go back, to finish high school, and figure out what I'm going to do with my life.
In Brazil, I can learn a language, I can learn to live in another country, I can learn to adapt, to grow, and to understand better, but there comes a time when there is not a lot more to accomplish.
So I suppose half of me is excited to start the rest of my life. The post Brazil life. Because I have no idea what to expect. The world is open. Which is extremely exciting and overwhelming at the same time.
I think leaving Brazil will be extremely difficult. More then leaving home was, because I have no idea when I will be back, If I will see the people I've gotten so close to ever again...and leaving Brazil will be the end of something that I loved...which is always hard. It will be a huge change, which is also never easy. But at this point, I've learned well to adapt, and I will be all right.

But I've got another 7 exciting weeks ahead.

March

It's been more then a month sense I wrote. I don't have an excuse....
Tons of things have happened, and I dont really know where to start...

The normal day to day things are going on still. School and such.
We apparently have gone into autumn...however, there has been no temperature change at all whatsoever. Still getting up into the high 80's and rain is rare (seems to only occur the moments you realllllllllly dont want it to)
School is still good. The last time I wrote I sounded kind of excited to do the work. That has passed a little...but I'm working on my Portuguese writing skills, and learning some things as I go along.
The Portuguese is going well. I can understand well now. Speaking is still shaky, conjugation is difficult, and this thing of masculine and feminine isn't working out so well because I'm not customed to think about the end of a word to begin it...

Sense I wrote last, many events have happened...
-I met my host brother, who now has gone back to his college in another city.
-I (FINALLY) had my exchange student weekend to meet all the kids in my state doing Rotary exchange. It was amazing like I had expected. There is always an immediate friendship that happens with Rotary exchange kids...In the US, when I met the New Mexico group, everyone clicked right away. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone. And I continue talking with the group, and have places now, all over the world that I could visit.
The group from Minas is cool. There are about 60 kids from all over the world. Asia, Europe, Mexico, Canada, Australia...all over.
We went to a city about 3 hours away from Montes Claros. We stayed one night, had a meeting, went on a boat ride, met each other and such.
In April we have the district conference, where all of the exchange students will be reunited again, and I cant wait!
-I painted a mural for my school the other week, which was pretty cool. This year, each classroom was assigned to paint a mural, so my classroom asked me to do it for them. I, of course, said I would be glad to do it, drew up a plan, and after a LOT of confusion, got the final drawing done and painted the mural. It was a bit stressful, because all of the people that said they would help me were lazy and I ended up having to do almost everything myself...but I am proud of what I did. I drew the design, went to the paint shop, bought all the things I needed to, organized the class to bring money in to pay for the materials, and in the end, painted the mural. It was a lot of fun, and now my mark is in Brazil, on my school, for hopefully a while.

Now, I'm preparing to go to Belo Horizonte, the capital city to go to Axé Brasil, which is the nation wide festival of a popular type of music called Axé. It will be in the huge soccer stadium, and it is the most famous artists in Brazil playing for 2 days strait. I'm excitedddddddd
I'm going with the girl from Finland and the boy from Poland, along with a few of the exchange students that live in Belo Horizonte. So it will be the group of foreigners, and it will be great.

My living situation has changed a little. I'm still with the same family, but I'm now living in an apartment close to the center of town. I really like the proximity to the center, as I just have to walk 15 minutes to find whatever I want to. I can get ice cream with friends, or go to my school, or go shopping super easy. So now, I really dont stay in the house much at all. Always walking around, trying to enjoy these last 3 months of my stay here.

The time to leave is arriving, and I have mixed feelings. Last week I entered a homesick faze, but that has passed a little as I remembed how many super cool things I have done here, and wont have the chance to do again when I go back to the States.
Mostly I am missing family and friends, but also I miss culture of the United States. I feel a like Montes Claros lacks individuality. I miss having the diversity that the US has. Of people, lifestyles, customs. Here it's rice and beans, and Ivete Sangalo, and the Avenida, all the time.
But I know I will miss these things when it's not my daily life anymore.

This month (April) I'm entering an exciting time. First Axé Brasil, then the exchange weekend, then my mom comes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So from now on till May, good things.

I can't wait for my mom to be here. It will be the perfect way for us to travel, because I already know a lot of the culture, I know the way the country functions, so I will know where and how to go, what to do...it will be good. I've already met a lot of Brazilian people, so she will have the real view of Brazil, not just the view of a tourist. She will see the families I've lived with, the places I always tell her about, and it will be greattttttttttttttt
I think it will also be the perfect way for me to see the real first reaction to Brazil. Because in the beginning of my exchange year, I was so super overwhelmed by everything, I dont remember what I thought about the little things that are so normal to me now. The customs are already embedded in me, I dont even know what is strange. And I think it will be interesting to see what she thinks of the styles and foods, of the differences in city structure, family structure, school....

I'm looking forward to the next month.

Losing the English here...

I just forgot the word environment in English...completely.
I actually had to look up the Portuguese word in the dictionary to find the word in English.
Ridiculous. :)
I just keep getting more and more comfortable with Portuguese, with the people here, now I honestly can't imagine being back in the US.
When I get off the plane in the US...everyone will be speaking English, the signs will be in English...it will be really really weird.
I was looking at a friends photos the other day, and there was a sign in English in the background, something simple like 'enter at your own risk' and I thought it was totally strange.
I'm no longer in a category...I was born in America. I speak (kind of these days) English, I speak (half) Portuguese. I have habits of a Brazilian, mixed with an American. I have a style of the two as well...I'm just a big mess of mixed cultures...and it's strange.
But I like it. It's interesting.

On other matters...I started school again. Back to normal, waking up at 6, going to school, coming home at 12, eating, sleeping, eating again, running (hence the amount of eating), doing something to waste time till it's time to eat again, and then sleeping.
Oh life is hard :p
It's good to be back in class I suppose. To see my classmates, who I adore. Now I can actually follow a lot of the material, so that is good. I'm actually paying attention now, and understanding what is going on...except for in chemistry, there's just no way...

Other then school, I'm making friends, have a bunch these days, which is awesome. I've gotten really close with the girl from my class, Ana Elisa, and her entire family, who took me to Diamantina for Carnaval. Today I taught her, and 10 of her cousins how to make chocolate chip cookies. It's funny how much Brazilians like my cookies. Anyone that eats them, loves them instantly, and they always ask me to give them the recipe, which I give, but on the one condition that everyone is aware that they are 'cookies da Sommer' (Sommer's cookies)....my plan, if everything goes well, is to become the Brazilian equivalent of Little Betty, and stay in Brazil all my life, living on the money from my cookies.

Yeah.

CARNAVALLLLLLLLL

I got home safe and sound from 5 of the most tiering and amazing days of my life.
I went to Diamantina, a little historical town about 4 hours away from my city with a friend of mine and her family to celebrate carnaval. We rented the bottom part of a house, and fit about 15 people in, all sleeping on the floor.
Diamantina usually is a quiet town, but during the 5 days of carnaval, it is overrun by the youth of Brazil. The city doubles in population (at least), and there is always something to do. Always music, always dancing, 24 hours a day. If you go out in the street, you talk to practically everyone that passes by. There is an excitement in the air, everyone is just there to have fun, and it is probably one of the most exciting places that I have ever been.
In carnaval, time doesnt exist. Seeing as there is always something going on, you go out in the street when you wake up, stay out until you can't take anymore, go home, sleep, wake up, and go out again. On the average, I probably slept 4 hours a day.
There are tons of really funny people walking around in the street. There are ninja turtles, and people in diapers, random stuffed animals, weird clothes, and everyone is just joking around.
Carnaval was an experience that I dont exactly know how to explain...it was that insanity that every youth strives for. Pure fun, and I wont ever forget it.

Usually my days began at 6pm, when I would go out with the kids from the house to the center of town. There were 2 main areas in the center, one with recorded music, which was always crowded with about 2,000 people, and the other, which was a park in the center where the bands were set up. There was probably an acre of space in the park for people to watch the band, and no matter where you went it was completely crowded. I would estimate that just in this one place, there were always at least 5,000 people. Walking 10 feet took at least 5 minutes. aside from these 2 main places, there were random sound systems set up for people to dance to, so anywhere you went, there was some kind of party going on.
There were 2 bands that played each day, Bat Caverna and Batucada. Each is a full on band, with 40 to 50 members. They play popular Brazilian songs, with a bit of variation to make them more danceable. there are probably 20 different types of instruments being used throughout the show, huge samba drums, guitar, tamborines...the singers of the bands wear crazy clothes, and have all kinds of strange tricks. Like the entrance of the singer of one of the bands was walking on top of the crowd in a giant see-through ball. Plus he was wearing a blue spandex body suit and fake plastic mow-hawk. There are people bungee-jumping on the stage. Another one of the entrances of the singer was sliding down on a chord from one of the buildings close to the stage wearing a batman suit with the band playing the theme song to bat man.
These are perfect examples of what carnaval is...pure insanity. Perfectly. There doesnt have to be an explanation, you just do what you want.
I just got back, and I already miss being there...

I have tried to explain how it is, but it's best to see for yourselves. I took various videos there, and have posted them on my youtube account: http://youtube.com/profile_videos?user=sommer108

and as always, I have photos: http://picasaweb.google.com/sommerbrazil/CaRnAvALL

<3

you wont believe...more vacationing

Well, I arrived from my beach vacation safe and sound and more tan then I have ever been in my life. :D

It was a nice trip, pretty much the same as the first time I went to Porto Seguro.
The same beaches, same foods, and same festas, but it was nice to have some time to spend with my first host family again, and it was good to get some relaxing time on the beach.

Tomorrow I'm off on another vacation. yes another, to Diamantina. I have already been to Diamantina. Earlier in the year one of my classmates and her family took me there to see a big band (classical) show.
I fell in love with Diamantina, it's antique Portuguese architecture, and awkward uphill streets. And now, I'm off to celebrate Carnaval with one of my classmates and her family there. I am more then excited, I'm elated.
We have a house in the center of town, with a pool and area to do barbecue. There will be 15 members of her family staying in this one house, should be pretty interesting.
I think that carnaval will be something that I have never experienced before. Music and dancing in the street, 24 hours a day for 5 days strait. I think I'll get pretty exhausted, but it will be worth every moment of sleep I lose.
I dont exactly know what to expect from Carnaval in Diamantina. I just know that people say its one of the best Carnavals in Minas Gerias, so it must be good.

Update is sure to come after I get back.

Other then that...my return flight has been booked, I hate to think about the return date...now it's set, I have 5 months and counting here in Brazil.
It makes me sad to think about going home, because I'm going to miss Brazil and everything I have here. All of my friends, the families I have gained, the foods I have come to love, the customs that I have picked up, the language I have finally gotten comfortable with...and its going to be strange.
I know I will be able to deal with going home, because leaving New Mexico was almost the same situation, allthough I think this will be even harder. Because when I left New Mexico, I knew I was coming back, I knew that the people there, would still be there when I came back, that there was always a way to stay in contact, that this was not the end. But leaving Brazil...who knows when I will have a chance to go back? who knows where the people I've come to love have gone by that time...

This exchange has been, and will continue to be full some of the most difficult times I've experienced. First there was leaving home, leaving everything I knew out into this huge world alone, not knowing what to expect. Then there was learning to stand on my own two feet and walk, regardless of how hard it was. Then, understanding that it would take time to become comfortable, and except that and be patient.
Now that I have gotten through those hard parts, I'm in the best stage of the exchange. I have become strong enough to stand on my own two feet, I have been patient enough to learn what I need to know to function comfortably, and now is the pay off. But soon, It will be the hardest part of all...giving up everything that I have gained and going back home. Back to normal life, not knowing where I'll end up... not knowing if I will come back to Brazil.
Exchanging is a huge series of adjustments and change...it never stops.
But I suppose life is like that too...



well, enough babbling for today,
update on Carnaval to come!!!!!!!

Mato Grosso Do Sul: Another epic vacation

Goodness,
I go long in-between these entries...
Well, I have reason..
I've been traveling Brazil with my host mom. (Not the whole country...but a good portion of it).
I went to Mato Grosso Do Sul 2 weeks ago, and got back to Montes Claros last Tuesday. It was an interesting trip. Really showed me the diversity in Brazil.
The region that I'm living in now is considered the central north-east, known for being dry, poor, and slightly dull (all though I dont think so). The south, where Mato Grosso Do Sul is (more south center, but it's the same...), is known for its richness and abundance of water and forest (hence the name of the state: mato grosso, thick forest).
I remember arriving in Campo Grande, the capital city and the place I spent most of my time, and seeing the streets, big and clean, the shopping mall, full of big $$, the ton of restaurants (including McDonalds, Pizza Hut, and Subway), and the lack of beggars...poverty has become something I've become accustomed to, and I could really feel it with the awe I'd felt seeing this wealthy other side of Brazil.
Along with the difference of wealth, there was the huge difference in climate. In Mato Grosso Do Sul, it is the tropical climate Brazil is known for. In this state, there is the Pantanal, which is a tropical forest about equal to the Amazon, only a little smaller and less famous. I wasn't fortunate enough to explore any 'mato grosso' but I did make it to a city near the Pantanal called Bonito.
I went into a cavern that has a lake at the bottom the color of that New Mexico sky. The bluest water I've ever seen. What surprised me about this excursion, was that it was extremely unprotected. I've been in the Carlsbad caverns for example, and there were railings the whole way..well lighted. There was none of that in this cavern, just a silly helmet to protect you if you slipped on the dew covered, worn rocks. Funny the difference in concern..
After the blue lake cavern, we went out to lunch. An all you can eat Brazilian classic. Lots of meat, rice and beans, and of course, some sweets of coconut and mango. After lunch we explored the city, doing what every good tourist does, buying trinkets and taking photos. And then, were off to cool off in one of the many rivers running through the city.
One of the big things in Bonito are these fish that are in the rivers. They literally have no fear, and will swim right up to you, even brush up against you. The water is crystal clear and clean, so it's great to watch them.
We spent just one day in Bonito, after, going back to Campo Grande. In Campo Grande, I pretty much just lived the life of my host uncle, aunt, and cousin. Going to the shopping mall, hanging out by the pool, picking mangos from the trees (which still amazes this little New Mexican), doing arts, and of course eating (its what I do).
The trip was really great for me. I got to see that other side of Brazil, and all though the bus ride was 28 hours, yes that's right, 28 hours, it was worth every minute to know just a little more about what this amazing country has to offer.

And guess what? Tomorrow I'm off on another Vacation!
Please, let this life never end.

Tomorrow, 4am, I'm heading out on a trip to that same beach I went to in October. My first host family was generous enough to offer to take me back to Porto Seguro, and I'm extremely excited.
Here, January is the time for the beach. Everyone (almost everybody, because the country can't completely shut down), are on their month long vacations starting today. And that's right, even adults get a month off from work each year in amazing Brazil. So the beach is crowded with tons of people and felicity. Lots of parties and good food, coconuts and ocean and sun.
Can't wait to get there.

More to come!
photos of Mato Grosso Do Sul: http://picasaweb.google.com/sommerbrazil/MatoGrossoDoSul

Beijos!

O ano novo. 2008!

Happy New Year!
Well, it's 2008...pretty crazy. And I suppose it is time to reflect on the year.
The first event of 2007 that comes to my mind is leaving my country, on an adventure of a lifetime..one I will never forget.
2007 has been the most exciting year of my life. And I can say that without doubt.
I remember writing a list last new years of things I wanted to accomplish in my life. Off of that list I have already accomplished learning another language, and living in another country. 2 huge goals.
I have found that I have grown immensely this year. Beyond what I thought was possible. I have achieved an understanding of the world that some don't ever encounter. I have come to understand better my place in the world, my desired path in life, the things that are important to me...and I can say, without questioning, that I spent this past year of my life in the best way possible. I didn't waste one minute. And that makes me glad.
One thing that I have found I fear is losing time. I have a fear of not living my life to the fullest. Of not seeing everything there is to see, not being everything I can, and I can say that I have lived to the fullest this year, and I know the next year to come will be the same. Full of excitement, changes, growth, realizations...
2007 brought a lot of changes. 2008 will bring even more.