Update (homesick)

Its been a while sense my last blog...
So what have I been up to?
Well, I went to the concert of the famous Brazilian singer. It was really really fun. Different from concerts in the US. Everyone was jumping and dancing and there were so many people. Like 10,000. I was out till...4am one night and 2am the next night of the festival, which were actually early hours for this part of the world. People here go out so much later then in the US, and they stay out a lot later too. People go out at 9 or 10pm and stay out till 3 or 4 am. If its a concert, 6am is normal. Its going to take some getting used to...but I do indeed like it.
Night has something about it nice about it...maybe because its not so freaking hot.
god its hot here. Its like...35 degrees C now, and its winter. I have no idea what summer is going to be like. Probably pretty bad. But there is the country club to go to and swim at.

My host sister left for the US 3 days ago. She went by bus all the way to Sao Paulo and took a flight from there to the US. Her parents went along for part of the trip, so my host brother and I spent the weekend at "grandma's" house. It was nice. A lot of eating, and resting. I really needed some relax time. I think this weekend was my first free weekend in Brazil.
So now that my host sister is gone, I'm without English in my house. For the most part. My host dad and brother both speak a little bit, but not enough to hinder me learning Portuguese. Which is really good.
I've begun to understand a lot of things in Portuguese. If people speak at a reasonable speed, I know generally what they are talking about, and now in school, if I really listen, I can catch some things. Its better then at first, when I understood absolutely nothing.
Today in school I had redacão, which is writing class, and the teacher gave me a paper to read. This is a little stupid, but I completely understood the 2 sentences of directions to complete the paper! the story was way over my head. But you've got to start somewhere. Its coming along.
I'm pretty freaking sick of not understanding. Today I got really mad and upset in school, about not being able to understand. I feel helpless. And I know that learning another language is not something that comes quickly. I must have patience. And I keep thinking that I'm failing because i've gone a month, and still dont speak. But that considering i came to Brazil knowing just about nothing, I'm doing well.
I really have to try hard to understand, sometimes I dont want to try anymore. I miss being able to just understand things. I miss communication being natural. But what an accomplishment will it be to be able to speak another language?

Tomorrow is a month...its strange, because at first, like the first week, felt so long. It felt like a month, but now that a month has passed, it feels like i've been here for 2 weeks...more or less. It feels like a long time sense I was at home, but...a short time here...sort of. I've been through so much, I have not had any time to be board, so maybe that is why it feels so strange...agh, I cant express my concept of time here. It just feels weird. unreal.

This weekend was a cultural festival in my city called festival do agosto. I went both friday and saturday night. Pretty much it was a festival to eat. There were a bunch of traditional foods from Minas Gerais and music, and some traditional dancing, also a lot of people. I wish I had taken my camera, I just hesitate to carry anything valuable.

I'm trying to figure out if the crime here is really as bad as people say. Because at this point, I dont carry my Ipod or camera around with me, I always hold my purse tight when walking around in the city, that is if I even dare to take a purse, and I avoid going in a lot of areas. I have yet to see someone get something stolen, or know someone that has been stolen from. But I think that I am probably somewhat of a target here. I dont look Brazilian, in fact I look very American, and that nationality is associated with wealth. Majorly. I suppose I just will figure that out with time, but I will always be careful. I may be a little paranoid though.

My host dad has told me that Brazil is a third world country. I suppose it is true, but I was thinking it was not that bad. Now that I'm here I suppose I could see that it is in some parts. Certain parts of Brazil are very nice. For example in Sao Paulo, there are not a lot of poor people, and not a lot of crime. There, many of the homes dont have walls around them like here. My host dad told me today that a few of the cities in Minas Gerais are considered to be the poorest in the world. Poorest in the World. that is....baffling. I mean, jeez, that has got to be really really poor. He said that sometime soon he will take me and my host brother to see those cities, which i know will be upsetting, and something that i will not want to see, but it will be good for me to know, for real, what it is like. Not from the news or other people, but first hand, what poverty is.

Honestly, I miss the wealth of the US. I miss my cities comforts. Streets that are level, buildings that are well kept. Big public parks. Here the streets are a mess. Always. really unorganized. The other day I was walking on the sidewalk at night, and walked into a random hole on the sidewalk, and got my foot stuck. Just an example. Soon I'll do a tour of the city and take a bunch of pictures to give you guys an idea of what it is like.
But dont get me wrong. I love the city. Its very different, its Brazilian. I can't really compare the 2 places because they are completely different.
I think that I'm going to love Brazil a lot. I'll not want to come back when it is time, and seeing the organization of American cities will just feel stale to me. Here, the city has a lot of culture. The people don't fit the city, the city fits its people. But I still miss Albuquerque. A lot.

I've been having a lot of nostalgia lately. For friends, family, home...a few times in the past few days, all i've wanted is to be home, in my bed, or with my friends driving around town, or having coffee in the morning at home...i miss the normality of life in the US. I miss my comfort. Here, I have none. I'm out of place, I dont speak the language, people have no idea who I am, I just stumble through life here, trying desperately to communicate, unable to. Unaccustomed to everything. I think I'm mostly just tired of newness. There is so much.
I need normality to set in. I've got to speak before that happens...so another month at least, and then I will not want to go home anymore.
It's never crossed my mind to go home. In reality. I've wanted to, for sure, but I've never seriously thought about it. From the moment I knew I was going, I told myself I was not coming home. I told myself I was going to be strong. I know I'm strong enough, I know I can do this, I always knew I could do it. I knew it would be hard, but i know how going good it will be for me. I know that this will be one of the things that I grow from the most in my life. Change is never easy...Good things never come easy, so this should be really really good.

I think that this is where I'm supposed to be. This is what I'm supposed to be doing, and this is going to prepare me for whatever is to come.
I will be so strong, I will be so rounded, so aware of the world around me when I come back. I will actually know things. There is a difference between actually knowing and hearing about...learning second hand is far less real.
I will know about the world's size, its people. I will know so many things. i cant wait to look back on this 20/20 knowing that the hard times were nothing compared to what I learned and how much I changed and grew. For the better.

My homesickness...is ridiculous. I know, absolutely, that if I was in New Mexico now, I would not be happy. And a year spent here, even if it is really difficult, even if I dont get as much out of it as I expect, I will have spent my year in the best way possible. I dont think there is anything I could be doing now more productive then this. In complete honesty. And that was the thing about New Mexico that I hated. More so, the thing about school that I hated. Because it was not New Mexico that I hated. In fact, I realized from being here, how much I love New Mexico. But in school, I always felt like I could be doing something better. That thought has never never crossed my mind here. I was not challenged at all there. it was the norm. This is so not the norm